Men's Grief & Praise Ritual
Near Port Townsend WA. (Nəxʷsƛ̕áy̕əm̕ (S'Klallam) and Aqokúlo) (Chemakum)
October 16-18, 2026
October 16-18, 2026
It didn't start with you, and you were never meant to carry this alone....
Why just for men?
This is not meant to exclude but an attempt for men to apprentice the sacred work of grief tending. A lot of men are accustomed to grieving alone, or not at all. It is an act of unburdening ourselves and relieving our families and partners and especially the woman in our lives.
Learning to tend to our grief strengthens our capacity to be with other big emotions that are often threaded into our grief including anger, shame and our deepest longings but also gratitude, joy and aliveness.
To not see our despair and grief as some private pathology "it's our birthright to feel it and live out of it....to let it pour through us for our world" - Joanna Macy
Communal grief tending is a way for men to see and be witnessed by each other. The emotional armor men have built up (often out of necessity) has an opportunity to be peeled back. This usually only happens when we feel safe or safe enough. Sometimes we call this a brave space because it takes courage to show up and do this. Our intention is that we can see grief not as a weakness or something to "get over" but something to have true intimacy with (into me I see). What was once feared and avoided becomes the healing salve, our tears and wild cries, praising all the things, people, places and loved ones lost. Grief is holy ground.
What's at risk? Not tending to our grief causes harm to ourselves and those around us in ways that are obvious and also unseen. When grief is unexpressed it hardens and freezes in the body and leaves men feeling stuck, depressed, shut down, disconnected, and at worst, expressed through aggression and violence.
Please consider joining us. All of you is welcome!
Testimonial:
“There was a quiet power in the experience. It created space not just to acknowledge grief, but to move through it with intention, presence, and a kind of shared humanity that is rare. What stood out most was how the ritual allowed emotions to surface without resistance—held, witnessed, and given a form that felt both grounding, transformative and safe. I left with a sense that something had shifted—not erased or resolved, but honored. There’s a difference, and it matters. The ritual offered a language for grief that words alone often fail to capture, and for that, I feel genuinely thankful.”
- Vincent Maniaci
Schedule:
Arriving between 3-4pm Friday and staying until 4pm Sunday
Space:
This weekend ritual will be held at a retreat space outside Port Townsend WA. Men will be on their own for overnight accommodations Friday and Saturday nights. There are 3 bedrooms to rent and camping onsite (or small RV)
Reciprocity:
Making this experience accessible to as many men as possible is important to us. We ask all men to make an honest assessment of their access to resources and to invest at the highest level that is appropriate for you. We have work trade and scholarship options and especially center men of the global majority/BIPOC communities for these. A sliding scale is offered between 400-600$. The base of 400$ covers basic costs, whereas 500 to 600$ will support this work and the long term viability as well as access to men who face financial barriers.
Accountability:
This year we are committed to giving 5-10% of what we generate at these gatherings to thesonderproject.org We are also seeking advisory council members.
Lineage:
This work would not be possible without our mentors, elders and teachers, and all the people who have helped along the way. We are deeply grateful for the inspiration from Sobonfu and Malidoma Somé, Joanna Macy, Francis Weller, Martín Prechtel, Laurence Cole, Angeles Arrien, James O'Dea, Gil Fronsdal, Joseph Rael (Beautiful Painted Arrow) and others to numerous to count including our non-human-kin.
Dedication:
Great thanks to the Ancestors past, present and future ones. We are committed to growing our awareness of our ancestors’ acts of harm and humanity, and how they echo through our actions and our lives. One way we are learning to repair as men is to dedicate this work in service to wholeness and co-liberation for all.
Land Acknowledgement:
I respectfully acknowledge that I reside within the traditional unceded lands of the Nəxʷsƛ̕áy̕əm̕ (S'Klallam) and Aqokúlo (Chemakum) and hold awareness of the harm done to them, and pray for their continued wellness and sovereignty.
This is not meant to exclude but an attempt for men to apprentice the sacred work of grief tending. A lot of men are accustomed to grieving alone, or not at all. It is an act of unburdening ourselves and relieving our families and partners and especially the woman in our lives.
Learning to tend to our grief strengthens our capacity to be with other big emotions that are often threaded into our grief including anger, shame and our deepest longings but also gratitude, joy and aliveness.
To not see our despair and grief as some private pathology "it's our birthright to feel it and live out of it....to let it pour through us for our world" - Joanna Macy
Communal grief tending is a way for men to see and be witnessed by each other. The emotional armor men have built up (often out of necessity) has an opportunity to be peeled back. This usually only happens when we feel safe or safe enough. Sometimes we call this a brave space because it takes courage to show up and do this. Our intention is that we can see grief not as a weakness or something to "get over" but something to have true intimacy with (into me I see). What was once feared and avoided becomes the healing salve, our tears and wild cries, praising all the things, people, places and loved ones lost. Grief is holy ground.
What's at risk? Not tending to our grief causes harm to ourselves and those around us in ways that are obvious and also unseen. When grief is unexpressed it hardens and freezes in the body and leaves men feeling stuck, depressed, shut down, disconnected, and at worst, expressed through aggression and violence.
Please consider joining us. All of you is welcome!
Testimonial:
“There was a quiet power in the experience. It created space not just to acknowledge grief, but to move through it with intention, presence, and a kind of shared humanity that is rare. What stood out most was how the ritual allowed emotions to surface without resistance—held, witnessed, and given a form that felt both grounding, transformative and safe. I left with a sense that something had shifted—not erased or resolved, but honored. There’s a difference, and it matters. The ritual offered a language for grief that words alone often fail to capture, and for that, I feel genuinely thankful.”
- Vincent Maniaci
Schedule:
Arriving between 3-4pm Friday and staying until 4pm Sunday
Space:
This weekend ritual will be held at a retreat space outside Port Townsend WA. Men will be on their own for overnight accommodations Friday and Saturday nights. There are 3 bedrooms to rent and camping onsite (or small RV)
Reciprocity:
Making this experience accessible to as many men as possible is important to us. We ask all men to make an honest assessment of their access to resources and to invest at the highest level that is appropriate for you. We have work trade and scholarship options and especially center men of the global majority/BIPOC communities for these. A sliding scale is offered between 400-600$. The base of 400$ covers basic costs, whereas 500 to 600$ will support this work and the long term viability as well as access to men who face financial barriers.
Accountability:
This year we are committed to giving 5-10% of what we generate at these gatherings to thesonderproject.org We are also seeking advisory council members.
Lineage:
This work would not be possible without our mentors, elders and teachers, and all the people who have helped along the way. We are deeply grateful for the inspiration from Sobonfu and Malidoma Somé, Joanna Macy, Francis Weller, Martín Prechtel, Laurence Cole, Angeles Arrien, James O'Dea, Gil Fronsdal, Joseph Rael (Beautiful Painted Arrow) and others to numerous to count including our non-human-kin.
Dedication:
Great thanks to the Ancestors past, present and future ones. We are committed to growing our awareness of our ancestors’ acts of harm and humanity, and how they echo through our actions and our lives. One way we are learning to repair as men is to dedicate this work in service to wholeness and co-liberation for all.
Land Acknowledgement:
I respectfully acknowledge that I reside within the traditional unceded lands of the Nəxʷsƛ̕áy̕əm̕ (S'Klallam) and Aqokúlo (Chemakum) and hold awareness of the harm done to them, and pray for their continued wellness and sovereignty.
Location
Outside Port Townsend WA. Nəxʷsƛ̕áy̕əm̕ (S'Klallam) and Aqokúlo (Chemakum)~Turtle Island
Date & Time
October 16 - 18, 2026
Facilitated by:
Nico Kladis
Nico Kladis MA, is a facilitator, wilderness guide and mental health therapist. His life’s work has arisen out of the paradox of heartbreak and beauty; joy and suffering. Nico’s lineage comes primarily from mixed European and Mediterranean ancestry and is committed to growing his awareness of his ancestors’ acts of harm and humanity. Collaboration in service to wholeness is one way he is learning to repair. His approach is culturally humble and relational as well as somatically based, integrating a framework of belonging rooted in the living world including our non-human-kin. He offers land based gatherings and retreats for individuals and groups as well as for men. Nico lives in Port Townsend, WA (s'Klallam/Chimakum land). Read more about Nico Here.
Laurence Cole
I was born in 1943, during the 2nd World War. My earliest memories are of living in Los Angeles before freeways. So I’m kinda old. I’ve had many good teachers, whom I revere and thus seek to pass along their insights, wisdom and useful practices. Much of those teachings have been a quite useful fit for my work in co-facilitating, with similarly experienced folks, an ever evolving process of communal grief tending.
For many years, I have also been writing and leading songs with groups of people all over North America. Group singing is a birthright of everyone, and a vital and natural part of community ritual. Such rituals have been universally utilized as living and natural “technologies of belonging and connection”since time immemorial. It is my great and humble honor to assist in passing along these perennial gifts and blessings from our deep time ancestors.
PS. If you’d like details on the many occupations and guides I’ve had along the way, just ask. I love to tell stories and get specific. Find out more about Laurence Here.
For many years, I have also been writing and leading songs with groups of people all over North America. Group singing is a birthright of everyone, and a vital and natural part of community ritual. Such rituals have been universally utilized as living and natural “technologies of belonging and connection”since time immemorial. It is my great and humble honor to assist in passing along these perennial gifts and blessings from our deep time ancestors.
PS. If you’d like details on the many occupations and guides I’ve had along the way, just ask. I love to tell stories and get specific. Find out more about Laurence Here.