It didn't start with us and we don't have to do it alone....
Why just for men?
This is not meant to exclude but an attempt for men to take responsibility for their grief, an act of unburdening themselves and relieving our families. A lot of men are accustomed to grieving alone, or in the company of a significant person like a mother or a partner and still for others, grieving isn't really an option. This isn't necessarily because we don't want to but that we don't know how, and we never saw this modeled.
Tending to our grief strengthens our capacity to be with all that is often threaded into our grief including anger, shame and our deepest longings but also gratitude, joy, aliveness, and blessing energy (praise). In our experience we have found that all of these emotions are are strangely connected to our grief.
We also acknowledge turning towards our grief as men is not how we have been conditioned, deeply so for many of us. Like any new muscle it requires warming up and stretching into. This is why we spend a whole weekend together and integration circles afterwards.
We view grief tending communally as a potent way for men to see and be witnessed by each other. This can be threatening to the construct of the ego and the places where we have been hurt, especially by other men. The emotional armor men have built up (out of necessity) has an opportunity to be peeled back. This can be profoundly healing and we put in the time to build a safe enough container for men to take this risk.
Not tending to our grief can cause harm to ourselves and those around us in ways that are obvious and also unseen. When grief is not expressed it hardens and freezes in the body. This unmetabolized grief leaves us feeling shut down and disconnected, and at worst, expressed through violence. Tending to our grief communally through ritual and containment offers a new path. We can see grief not as a weakness or something to "get over" but something to have true intimacy with (into me I see). What was once feared and avoided becomes the healing salve, our tears and wild cries, praising all things lost and holy.
To not see our despair and grief as some private pathology "it's our birthright to feel it and live out of it....to let it pour through us for our world" - Joanna Macy
We practice giving ourselves and each other permission, to be a sacred witness, humbly and honestly, learning to let go. We commit to co-creating a safe and brave space for men to show up in because we can't do this alone. Grief contains a multitude of expressions where anger, guilt, aliveness, longing, numbness, not feeling good enough (shame) dance together. We welcome and honor all parts of us and a ritual container allows us to do this.
If any of this resonates, please join us June 12-14 outside Port Townsend WA. Nəxʷsƛ̕áy̕əm̕ (S'Klallam) and Aqokúlo (Chemakum)
Land Acknowledgement:
I respectfully acknowledge that I reside within the traditional unceded lands of the Nəxʷsƛ̕áy̕əm̕ (S'Klallam) and Aqokúlo (Chemakum) and hold awareness of the harm done to them, and pray for their continued wellness and sovereignty.
June theme:
Our ritual theme for June centers around Father’s Day and the summer solstice. We invite you to extend an invitation to your fathers, grandfathers, and adult sons—whether blood or chosen—to this upcoming ritual, if it feels appropriate for you all. If this isn't of interest to you that's okay, there will be other themes that arise (besides the father wound) as we share our stories in circle and prepare for the ritual.
Last year was the first time we did this after several men expressed interest in including their fathers, and we were honored to have them join us. This experience supported us to engage more deeply with the men in our families and to show the younger men what we are practicing. Offering this possibility for healing and connection to our male kin within a strong and resourceful circle feels right and also very emergent. My father joined us last year and it was powerful to share this with him. Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions about whether this is the right choice for you or your family. Nico 360.301.0684
Schedule:
Arriving between 3-4pm Friday and staying until 4pm Sunday
Space:
This weekend ritual will be held at a retreat space outside Port Townsend WA. Men will be on their own for overnight accommodations Friday and Saturday nights. There are 3 bedrooms to rent onsite and camping (or small RV) options down the road (thanks to the generosity of a man who is opening up his 3 acre homestead to participants). Additionally, men can camp in vehicles or small RV’s onsite at the retreat space as well). Camping arrangements may include an additional fee.
Reciprocity:
Making this experience accessible to as many men as possible is important to us. We ask all men to make an honest assessment of their access to resources and to invest at the highest level that is appropriate for you. We have work trade and scholarship options that center men of the global majority and BIPOC communities. A sliding scale is offered between 350-550$. The base of 350$ covers basic costs, whereas 450 to 550$ will support this work and the long term viability as well as access to men who face financial barriers.
Accountability:
This year we are committed to giving 5-10% of what we generate at these gatherings to thesonderproject.org We are also seeking advisory council members.
Affinity groups:
There are more and more community healing spaces like this becoming available that align with other identities and affinity groups. If anyone has any questions or concerns about who this gathering is for or how we will cultivate a culture of more belonging, safety, and accessibility for those in attendance, please reach out to Elia at [email protected] or Nico at [email protected]
Lineage:
This work would not be possible without our mentors, elders and teachers, and all the people who have helped along the way. We are deeply grateful for the inspiration from Sobonfu and Malidoma Somé, Joanna Macy, Francis Weller, Martín Prechtel, Laurence Cole, Angeles Arrien, James O'Dea, Gil Fronsdal, Joseph Rael (Beautiful Painted Arrow) and others to numerous to count including our non-human-kin.
Dedication:
Great thanks to the ancestors past, present and future ones. We are committed to growing our awareness of our ancestors’ acts of harm and humanity, and how they echo through our actions and our lives. One way we are learning to repair as men is to dedicate this work in service to wholeness and co-liberation for all.
This is not meant to exclude but an attempt for men to take responsibility for their grief, an act of unburdening themselves and relieving our families. A lot of men are accustomed to grieving alone, or in the company of a significant person like a mother or a partner and still for others, grieving isn't really an option. This isn't necessarily because we don't want to but that we don't know how, and we never saw this modeled.
Tending to our grief strengthens our capacity to be with all that is often threaded into our grief including anger, shame and our deepest longings but also gratitude, joy, aliveness, and blessing energy (praise). In our experience we have found that all of these emotions are are strangely connected to our grief.
We also acknowledge turning towards our grief as men is not how we have been conditioned, deeply so for many of us. Like any new muscle it requires warming up and stretching into. This is why we spend a whole weekend together and integration circles afterwards.
We view grief tending communally as a potent way for men to see and be witnessed by each other. This can be threatening to the construct of the ego and the places where we have been hurt, especially by other men. The emotional armor men have built up (out of necessity) has an opportunity to be peeled back. This can be profoundly healing and we put in the time to build a safe enough container for men to take this risk.
Not tending to our grief can cause harm to ourselves and those around us in ways that are obvious and also unseen. When grief is not expressed it hardens and freezes in the body. This unmetabolized grief leaves us feeling shut down and disconnected, and at worst, expressed through violence. Tending to our grief communally through ritual and containment offers a new path. We can see grief not as a weakness or something to "get over" but something to have true intimacy with (into me I see). What was once feared and avoided becomes the healing salve, our tears and wild cries, praising all things lost and holy.
To not see our despair and grief as some private pathology "it's our birthright to feel it and live out of it....to let it pour through us for our world" - Joanna Macy
We practice giving ourselves and each other permission, to be a sacred witness, humbly and honestly, learning to let go. We commit to co-creating a safe and brave space for men to show up in because we can't do this alone. Grief contains a multitude of expressions where anger, guilt, aliveness, longing, numbness, not feeling good enough (shame) dance together. We welcome and honor all parts of us and a ritual container allows us to do this.
If any of this resonates, please join us June 12-14 outside Port Townsend WA. Nəxʷsƛ̕áy̕əm̕ (S'Klallam) and Aqokúlo (Chemakum)
Land Acknowledgement:
I respectfully acknowledge that I reside within the traditional unceded lands of the Nəxʷsƛ̕áy̕əm̕ (S'Klallam) and Aqokúlo (Chemakum) and hold awareness of the harm done to them, and pray for their continued wellness and sovereignty.
June theme:
Our ritual theme for June centers around Father’s Day and the summer solstice. We invite you to extend an invitation to your fathers, grandfathers, and adult sons—whether blood or chosen—to this upcoming ritual, if it feels appropriate for you all. If this isn't of interest to you that's okay, there will be other themes that arise (besides the father wound) as we share our stories in circle and prepare for the ritual.
Last year was the first time we did this after several men expressed interest in including their fathers, and we were honored to have them join us. This experience supported us to engage more deeply with the men in our families and to show the younger men what we are practicing. Offering this possibility for healing and connection to our male kin within a strong and resourceful circle feels right and also very emergent. My father joined us last year and it was powerful to share this with him. Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions about whether this is the right choice for you or your family. Nico 360.301.0684
Schedule:
Arriving between 3-4pm Friday and staying until 4pm Sunday
Space:
This weekend ritual will be held at a retreat space outside Port Townsend WA. Men will be on their own for overnight accommodations Friday and Saturday nights. There are 3 bedrooms to rent onsite and camping (or small RV) options down the road (thanks to the generosity of a man who is opening up his 3 acre homestead to participants). Additionally, men can camp in vehicles or small RV’s onsite at the retreat space as well). Camping arrangements may include an additional fee.
Reciprocity:
Making this experience accessible to as many men as possible is important to us. We ask all men to make an honest assessment of their access to resources and to invest at the highest level that is appropriate for you. We have work trade and scholarship options that center men of the global majority and BIPOC communities. A sliding scale is offered between 350-550$. The base of 350$ covers basic costs, whereas 450 to 550$ will support this work and the long term viability as well as access to men who face financial barriers.
Accountability:
This year we are committed to giving 5-10% of what we generate at these gatherings to thesonderproject.org We are also seeking advisory council members.
Affinity groups:
There are more and more community healing spaces like this becoming available that align with other identities and affinity groups. If anyone has any questions or concerns about who this gathering is for or how we will cultivate a culture of more belonging, safety, and accessibility for those in attendance, please reach out to Elia at [email protected] or Nico at [email protected]
Lineage:
This work would not be possible without our mentors, elders and teachers, and all the people who have helped along the way. We are deeply grateful for the inspiration from Sobonfu and Malidoma Somé, Joanna Macy, Francis Weller, Martín Prechtel, Laurence Cole, Angeles Arrien, James O'Dea, Gil Fronsdal, Joseph Rael (Beautiful Painted Arrow) and others to numerous to count including our non-human-kin.
Dedication:
Great thanks to the ancestors past, present and future ones. We are committed to growing our awareness of our ancestors’ acts of harm and humanity, and how they echo through our actions and our lives. One way we are learning to repair as men is to dedicate this work in service to wholeness and co-liberation for all.
Location
Outside Port Townsend WA. Nəxʷsƛ̕áy̕əm̕ (S'Klallam) and Aqokúlo (Chemakum)~Turtle Island
Date & Time
June 12 - June 14, 2026
Facilitated by:
Nico Kladis
Nico Kladis MA, is a facilitator, wilderness guide and mental health therapist. His life’s work has arisen out of the paradox of heartbreak and beauty; joy and suffering. Nico’s lineage comes primarily from mixed European and Mediterranean ancestry and is committed to growing his awareness of his ancestors’ acts of harm and humanity. Collaboration in service to wholeness is one way he is learning to repair. His approach is culturally humble and relational as well as somatically based, integrating a framework of belonging rooted in the living world including our non-human-kin. He offers land based gatherings and retreats for individuals and groups as well as for men. Nico lives in Port Townsend, WA (s'Klallam/Chimakum land). Read more about Nico Here.
Laurence Cole
I was born in 1943, during the 2nd World War. My earliest memories are of living in Los Angeles before freeways. So I’m kinda old. I’ve had many good teachers, whom I revere and thus seek to pass along their insights, wisdom and useful practices. Much of those teachings have been a quite useful fit for my work in co-facilitating, with similarly experienced folks, an ever evolving process of communal grief tending.
For many years, I have also been writing and leading songs with groups of people all over North America. Group singing is a birthright of everyone, and a vital and natural part of community ritual. Such rituals have been universally utilized as living and natural “technologies of belonging and connection”since time immemorial. It is my great and humble honor to assist in passing along these perennial gifts and blessings from our deep time ancestors.
PS. If you’d like details on the many occupations and guides I’ve had along the way, just ask. I love to tell stories and get specific. Find out more about Laurence Here.
For many years, I have also been writing and leading songs with groups of people all over North America. Group singing is a birthright of everyone, and a vital and natural part of community ritual. Such rituals have been universally utilized as living and natural “technologies of belonging and connection”since time immemorial. It is my great and humble honor to assist in passing along these perennial gifts and blessings from our deep time ancestors.
PS. If you’d like details on the many occupations and guides I’ve had along the way, just ask. I love to tell stories and get specific. Find out more about Laurence Here.
Elias Serras
Elia is an EcoSomatic facilitator and guide for individuals, groups and organizations. His work is to empower embodied belonging through Truth, Healing, and Wholeness. Contact with wilderness saved his life as a younger man and inspired him to live and learn in communities ranging from traditional villages to contemporary Ecovillages in 11 different countries.
Elia is a cofounding teacher of Great Earth School, and has been working with men and masculinity throughout the US since 2018 with several organizations including Grieving Man, Mankind Project, Sacred Sons, and Kinhood.
He currently lives in a cabin in the woods on the Olympic peninsula, and can often be found singing, dancing or breaking bread wherever the village fire is burning bright. See more at EcoSomaBe.
Elia is a cofounding teacher of Great Earth School, and has been working with men and masculinity throughout the US since 2018 with several organizations including Grieving Man, Mankind Project, Sacred Sons, and Kinhood.
He currently lives in a cabin in the woods on the Olympic peninsula, and can often be found singing, dancing or breaking bread wherever the village fire is burning bright. See more at EcoSomaBe.